Day 59 and 60 AND 61

Wow! It's so hard to keep up when you're busy out living life instead of writing about it!

*laughing*

So, OK. On to the gratitude!

Saturday:

-- crock pot pot roast

-- test driving new mascara

-- minimal crowds when I had to go to Volde*Mart

Yesterday:

-- chaps

-- gorgeous days for riding

-- pink leopard print beanies

Today!

-- two day work week!

-- scheduling travel for work for early next year

-- knowing that although I am going to miss my local ride next week, I will get to ride anyhow, whilst in LA! YAY!

I am not going to write up three personality gratitudes, though, since I am making a rule that that is a one-per-post thing, not a one-per-day dealie. Yeh!

But, um, since I have a ridiculously short work week this week, and tons to do after a truncated week for the holiday LAST week... Yeh. It might be tonight. Or another time compeletely. Like, perhaps whilst I am on that flight. I bet I can knock out several ona five hour flight, don't you?

Right now, I am just ridiculously happy that my life has been so full I haven't had a chance to get here to write about how happy I am. That's actually pretty rad, when you think about it.

Days 57 & 58

Day 57: Thanksgiving!
I totally stole that image from a blog I read. Gorgeous sentiment; I was completely gutted by it when I saw it.

Today:
Yesterday was the national day of recognition of our myriad gifts, and everyday I am grateful for so very much - sometimes it is trivial and mundane ("yay, my dress has flowers!"), some days it is much more introspective ("I am so thankful that I have the ability to read and write and communicate with people who amaze me"), and some days it's remarkably prosaic ("I like having a home to come home to").

I am so incredibly lucky in so many ways, enumerating them seems futile some days. I have so many people in my life, in so many capacities, all of whom I learn from and am enriched and humbled by constantly. I start to think about listing them, and I know that trying to put their importance in my life into words will fall so far short - there are too many, and their contributions too expansive.

Oh, please: like that's going to stop me?? NO! So today, instead of going out into the throngs and hordes of people embracing consumerism on a grand scale, I am going to start a new little thing here: I am going to choose one person in my life to talk about as part of my daily gratitude. I am going to try not to repeat people, though there are some that come up more often (hello, I am beyond retarded on a daily basis for the ever-present and always-awesome XY; my family is stupid important; etc) - but there are others that are always there and worthy of shout outs of their very own.

This week, I've spent a fair amount of time talking to one of my girlfriends. She's one of those people that comes into your life from nowhere, and there is an instant connection - you realise that you speak the same language, and have frighteningly similar vantage point on the world. We began to get to know each other in February, and despite the entirety of a continent between us, BANG! Instant adoration of this woman. She's both constantly wise and innocent in how she views everything - when I think of her, I think of these lyrics from Jawbreaker:

There is plenty to criticize.
It gets so easy to narrow these eyes.
But these eyes will stay wide.
I will stay young.
Young and dumb inside.

It's been a rough year for my friend - there has been a lot of change, and much of it has left her shaken. This default world we live in can be brutal for dreamers and lovers and those filthy innocents that make it all worthwhile. Dreaming is hard business, after all, and it so often feels like we are failing in the moment when we are watching the beautiful world we know can exist in our heads. She is no different in how that ache hits her in the solar plexus when she is least expecting it.

Not long ago, I had an personal epiphany about failure. I was incredibly down on myself - nothing I was working on was moving in any direction that I wanted it to, and certain elements in my personal life were in shambles. I felt completely mired in the muck of mundanity, and couldn't see the sun shining anywhere because my entire soul felt like a "little black raincloud" (which is something my Grandmuzzer used to day when she was stuck in that place). But then I read something about Thomas Edison -- one of the most beloved and respected inventors of my national heritage -- and how, technically, he constantly failed in a lot of his endeavours. "I have not failed, I have found 10,000 ways that will not work," he is quoted as having said.

My epiphany was this: what we label as failure is one of the most vital stepping stones. In a crazy display of synchronicity, within days of having this realisation, I started seeing things all over the place about how necessary "failure" is to success (don't you love it when the universe does that? I do, like whoa. Please scroll up and re-read that bit about stardust. even more poignant now, isn't it? Crazy).

My friend has had a year of insanely difficult stuff. You know how sometimes you are working your way down a path, and you've been smacked in the face so many times, by so many branches, and the path itself has all but disappeared, and you can't help but start to forget what the hell was so important that you were on this stupid path for in the first damned place? Yeh, it's been that year.

But my friend, see, instead of sitting down on the ground and shaking her fist at the trees that are hitting her, and giving up 'cos she's never going to get to her destination -- she looks at the trees and asks them "Hey. How do I get to where I am going?" And the trees are so shocked that someone is talking to them, and asking for their help instead of cursing them that they open their branches and guide her down the path. 'Cos in the end, they kinda just wanted someone to pay attention to them, and now that she's addressing the things that have been hampering her progress, she will be that much more enabled to get to where she is going.

Thing is, this girl I know humbles me every time I talk to her. I am not particularly good about being in touch sometimes, but every time I talk to her, I aspire to be as amazing as she is. She is so filled with love, and joy, and rainbow sparkles; even in her darkest times, when she is terrified that nothing is going to do what it should, she continues to reach forward and learn from the now.

And her dreams are stars, and when it all comes down to it, she knows this is true: "Nearly every man who develops an idea works at it up to the point where it looks impossible, and then gets discouraged. That's not the place to become discouraged."

Dreaming is difficult business. Keeping it alive and refusing to let it die due to fear and failure is that much more difficult. But my friend reminds me that it is business that is worthwhile in the end.

Today, I am grateful for this friend.

Day 56

It's Wednesday, and tomorrow is Thanksgiving. A lot of people I know have taken this month as a reason to do daily gratitude. I've been trying to look at different things.

Today I am grateful for repurposing a summer dress into something that makes me smile on an overcast day (it's a strapless floral maxidress, but I pulled on a turtleneck and jeans jacket over it - I am loving the flowers today).

I am happy to be able to listen to The Decemberists and Vampire Weekend and Okkervil River.

I am happy that I can spend tomorrow with my Mama -- and come back home after dinner. *grin*

I have amazing clients.

As I wrote yesterday to a friend who embraces his cranky: "I hate Starbucks, yeh, I'm incredibly grateful that - should I choose to put that burned ass swill in my mouth - I am flush enough to be able to pay for the privilege to pay a ridiculous amount of money for shitty fucking coffee. And that's pretty rad."

I'm heading into a four day weekend, after which I will work for two days and then go 'cross the country to spend five days with friends.

I live in a world where this exists for purchase. .

I have a comforter that has GIR on it from Invader Zim, covered in a print of sweets, with GIR shouting "I looooooooovvveeee candy!" It cracks me up every single time I look at it.

My Life Is Average is awesome.

Days 53, 54, and 55

I posted this yesterday for my Sunday/ Monday post:

Bullet points of gratitude!

• Shooting with two of my favourite guys
• naps snuggled with blockheaded doggehs (that aren't mine)
• ridiculous amounts of chicken soup
• being a Clemson fan means you can be all fan-girl, but really, you just look seasonal
• having green green grass when all of your neighbours have brown, dead lawns - the first time our lawn has looked better than those around us!
• 13 quarts of chicken soup in the freezer
• having a freezer!
• neti pots
• short work week.

Today!

Today I am grateful for my job. I love that I can wear a giant sweatshirt to work, that my co-workers are all people that challenge me.

Day 52

I didn't tailgate today 'cos I woke up with a little bit of a headcold, and I didn't want to risk being out for all hours.

SO I stayed in my jammies and watched horrible movies and watched football all day.

Go Tigers!

Going to the ACC Championship! Not bad for a season that started with them unranked, the youngest head coach in the division - who had never been head coach before - and a buncha freshmen. I'll take it.

Day 51

Today's list:

-- snuggly blankets

-- soft/ rough skin

-- sunshine

-- sparkly sweaters

-- dual monitors!

-- Friday!

AND payday!

AND tailgating tomorrow.

*bliss*

Day 50

I bought a dress early this past summer that I thought was super cute.

The neckline has a tie off to the side, and the bodice of it comes up to the loopy tie thingo, halter-style. It's a dip-dye kinda look, where the bottom four inches or so are a coral/ pink, fading into white, which transitions to the black that carries the rest of the way up. It's vaguely empire-waisted, in that the waistline is a few inches higher than usual, but it's not directly under the bust, the lines are slightly reminiscent of a trapeze style dress, and it stops an inch or two above the knee.

WOW. That is a truly horrible description. Regardless, it's a cute dress, and it has a lot of flow-y, drapey fun to it.

But I never wore it. I think I bought it back in April? May? Something like that. We're now into November - well and truly the time when sundresses get stuffed into the back of the closet - and I came upon it last weekend when cleaning out my closet. I held it up, questioning myself, and remembered how much I like the look of it.

Then why the heck didn't I wear it? I hear you asking. I know. It's kinda insane, right? To buy something and never wear it?

Thing is? It's sheer viscose - so it needs something under it, so my ladyparts aren't vividly on display. But every time I tried to put something on under it, it just... didn't work. Too bulky, too long, too... "What the hell happened here?"

I could hear Karen Walker in my head when I would put it on, is what I am saying.

Whatever. When I got rid of all of that stuff last weekend, I didn't get rid of the dress - I will give it another chance, I thought. If I don't wear it NEXT spring and summer, it has to go.

But this morning, I pulled it out, and I suddenly knew exactly what to do with it. And so I put it on, and I remembered I have a cardigan that goes well with the coral, and I threw on my boots, and even though I am tired and cranky and it's completely overcast and too many things in my life are all going pear-shaped, but dammit, I look hella cute.

Day 49

I love that my raincoat and rain hat are bright pink.

It gives me such a little gut punch of joy when everything is grey - and I feel like my own personal little happy thought bouncing through the world.

Day 48

I am so thankful to have people who accept and love me for being precisely me.

Day 46 and 47

Holy crap! What a great day to be alive (I totally typoed that originally to "alove," which is making me smile. *bliss*)!

This is a combo "crap I am grateful for" + "events that transpired" post, 'cos it all kinda goes together. I'm going to put it in bullet points though, 'cos I am dorky that way:

- Clemson won their game on Saturday (!!)

- GORGEOUS day yesterday. Perfect Indian Summer weather - 75 and sunny blue skies, with altostratus and cirrus clouds just whiffing along on the currents.

- Saw the most gorgeous tree. Fall is in full swing, and the leaves have been lovely this year, despite all of the rain. As we headed over to a friend's house yesterday, we passed this oak (?) in one yard - it had begun shedding its leaves, but still ahd a lot on it. The result was that the bright yellow-orange leaves were sprouting off the tree itself AND pooled under it - it looked like it was growing out of a lake of golden fire.

- Out on motorcycles with a group of friends in the aforementioned gorgeous weather. Seriously, this is becoming my drug of choice, because no matter what is going on, I get on that bike, and my brain finally actually shuts down and I can be completely in the moment.

- WIND. I realised yesterday on the ride - we were out for hours, puttering along the backroads, sometimes at 90+ MPH - that the wind on the bike bascially acts like a very long, gentle flogging on the bits that don't normally get flogged (overshare, probably, but whatever). Up and down hills at 75, out in the open, you get a lot of battering from the wind, which is weirdly relaxing. I am not one for scenes, as a rule, but... I do *get* it, it's just not my preference as a rule. Sometimes, though... it's nice to be able to cede control completely and not have to worry about being present, and just... Go.

- Zen: the view from the bike, with the wind beating me everywhere, and the sound in my ears, and just leaning as it goes.

- Free pork chops! We stopped at a bar down in the middle of nowhere (ok, FINE, I'm sure it was actually somewhere but I don't know where that somewhere is), and when we walked out back, they had a giant-ass smoker set up, pork chops sizzling away. One of the guys asked "who do we pay?" "Oh, no one - just go grab some!" BRILLIANT. Also: really amazingly tasty. YUM!

- Banter. I love some good banter.

- FOOTBALL Handegg! Went to dinner last night and there was football handegg on every telly in the joint. The guys found it amuaing that my head was swivelling like Linda Blair to watch the various games and root at various teams - for no apparent reason than 'cos I had decided THAT team was the one I wanted to win. Whateve r- I had fun yelling at the television.

- Snuggling. 'nuff said.

- When you have a horrible dream and it's awful, and you KNOW it's bad in your dream, but then you wake up, and it was just a dream, and you aren't in the middle of awfulness after all and you roll over and see someone you love and you just wanna burrow inside them 'cos they look so COSY.

- And sometimes, you're just grateful that your life is YOUR LIFE, and you don't have the lives of some of the people you know, 'cos you know they are hurting. And you know where they are 'cos you've been there yourself, and you love them and give them what you can, but at the same time you are able to hold up where you are and where they are and see how very much you have to be grateful for at this very moment. I know that is an utterly ridiculous sentance, but it's true; I just couldn't figure out how to say it. I am simultaneously having my heart go out to them and loving them and being fully aware of how very, very fortunate I am in so many aspects of my life.

Day 45

I am awake early on a Saturday - lots to do!

I've begun laundry and swept, and am currently drinking a giant mug of hazelnut coffee.

In a bit, a friend who is AWESOME is coming by to help me weed through my ridiculous closet. I love my clothes, and I thrift almost everything, so I have a LOTTA stuff. We're preparing for the arrival of a new housemate, though, so I need to make room in my closet for my sweetie to be able to store HIS clothes - and that means it's time to cull! I've been wanting to do this for a while, so I am really excited - I know I just look at everything and talk myself into keeping it, though, so assistance is necessary. I am super-happy to have a friend who is willing to brave the wilds with me.

I am looking forward to having lots to donate to both my favourite charity AND the local "Goth Swap." I'm hoping to fill at least one Rubbermaid tub for charity, and more for the swap. I feel very productive already!

Day 44

Oh, holy smokes!

There's a big ball in the sky, and it is making there be LIGHT ON, in the OUTSIDE!

*squeaks in joy*

Also, I am incredibly grateful for smooshy snuggles. Even if I didn't get to sleep very well 'cos of them, they sure are awfully nice.

Day 43

Mmmm.

I am grateful for a lot today:

-- going out on a school night

-- free tickets to a fun show

-- time with a friend and good conversation

-- catching a whiff of detergent and thinking it's my dumpling surprising me (it wasn't, but what a lovely thought! It was like he was there, even though he had other plans. So nice :) )

-- cosy, snuggly beds with cosy snuggly sweetie beside me

-- doggie kisses

-- mmmm! COFFEE!

-- killing zombies in a video game

-- being content

-- oversized woolen sweaters

-- good hugs

Day 42, pt 2

OOOH!

I love it when I have a reason to make another post!

*rolls around in the bliss of happiness*

I just checked my email, and I had an email from someone I worked with years ago, before I moved to my little city. She was one of my favourite people I have ever had the pleasure of working for, and I hadn't heard from her in a year or two -- I was afraid that she had passed.

It may be silly, but I am so glad to hear from her.

Days 39 and 40// repost from elsewhere

*cracking up*

OK - I totally DID post about my weekend - I just did it in the wrong place! *laughing*

Here's what I posted elsewhere, thinking it was here:

Days 39 and 40

Happy Monday!

Saturday, I wasn't nearly as productive as my ridiculous wake-up time woulda suggested. But that's ok - it was a great day anyhow.

I ran errands and manged to pick up a gift I needed to get for my sweetie's birthday party that night, got some cooking done, and off we went to a super fun bonfire gathering with folks we don't see as often as we would like. He seemed to enjoy his present, I got to snuggle my other honey, and the bonfire was beautiful!

Mmmmm! I woke up Sunday morning smelling like woodsmoke. So lovely - I really enjoy that, and it happens not nearly as regularly as I would like. ^.^

Yesterday, I took the sweetie down to meet up with a friend, 'cos they were going to spend the day doing some stuff in which I have no interest (and I tend to think it's important that we do stuff on our own, so we have stuff to talk about), and I had the day to myself with my doggies.

In the afternoon, I got to roll around in the dirt pretending to be a rabbit for a photo shoot (SO FUN), and then there was roasted chicken with gravy and zombie-killin' video games to be played.


*bliss*

What a lovely, lovely weekend, overall.

Day 42

On one of my social network thingos, there is a lemming going 'round wherein folks are meant to post a thing each day until Thanksgiving about for what they are grateful.

May I take this opportunity to comment that I was ridiculously pleased that I do that already? *grin*

Today, I am grateful for gore-tex lined hunting boots! It is cool and rainy as all get out - not cold, by any stretch, but regardless, 55F and pouring rain from the remainder of a hurricane is not warm either - but my toes are nice and cosy.

I may not look particularly stylish, but I am a-ok with that as it turns out.

Also, I am totally listening to the collected works of Disney today - for some reason, having a cast of animated critters singing to me just perks me right up, despite the grey that's going on outside.

Days 39, 40, 41

Whoops!

I totally thought I had done this yesterday til I came over today to write. D'oh!

I had an amazing weekend, stuffed chockablock full of incredible people sharing their time with me and my #1 Sweetie.

An impromptu movie-watchin' gathering, productivity, a bonfire, a birthday party, an outing with the Boyfriend, gorgeous weather, super fun photoshoot, and excellent food.

Really, what more could a girl ask for?

Today, it is raining, and I think it will be nice to see the fall-painted leaves drifting up against the puddles.

Day 38

I woke up this morning at 6:45.

It's a Saturday. I don't know WHY I woke up at 6:45. I just did.

I have lots to do today, it's gorgeous outside, and I spent last night with people I think are right keen.

These are all good things. What a good Saturday to be alive.

Day 37

I am wearing a vest today with velvet and sequins, over a lipstick red turtleneck, with a cameo.

When the sun reflects off the sequins, it makes me smile.

It's been a tough week.

Today, I am grateful for that little bit of sparkle.

Day 36

You know how some mornings you wake up and it's all just BAD from the moment you set your feet on the floor? You fight with your sweetie, your pets are making you crazy, traffic is hellish, you can't find your Mp3 player, nothing you put on looks right, and you have a headache.

Indeed.

I've been awake for right at tow hours, and so far, all of that has happened.

I say all of this by way of acknowledging some days it is much, much more difficult to find things for which to be grateful, you see.

But as I was drivign to work this morning, in the traffic from hell - seriously, I think there were four (FOUR!) near misses of getting creamed/ creaming someone on the road, thanks to complete lunacy on the roads - I was thinking "OK, this is the universe telling me I need to work on patience. Clearly." 'Cos every time I'd start to get really frustrated with someone being slow/ annoying/ other wise stupid and get around them, events would conspire against, and I'd be stuck there. And so, I would get annoyed and start to get yelly at the other driver, while I sat in my car (yes, I do realise that they can't hear me, but it makes me feel marginally better), when it occured to me that if I were just more patient, this wouldn't be bugging me so much.

And then I started to think about this woman I used to work with, years ago, at a bagel shop. It was not teribly long after I'd graduated college, and if you've ever worked in food service, you know how unpleasant that job can be on occasion. Things people would never think to say under normal circumstances, they feel they can say to someone in food service. (Actually, I take that back, since I have been noticing a marked decline in courtesy over all.)

Anyhow. People would get very nasty about fairly inconsequential things (really? You're going to throw a hissy because there is portion control in effect, and charges for extra? That's worth a meltdown to you?), and I would get really frustrated/ annoyed/ furious/ etc because there's only so much a counter-worker is empowered to do, you know? But I noticed that one of my co-workers always maintained this incredible level of equinamity, no matter how red-faced and sputtering and loud the person on the other side of the counter got. She never lost the aura of deeply-rooted peace and serenity. So one day I asked her about it, 'cos it compeltely blew my mind. We were about the same age, and I wanted to know how she didn't just want to lose her shit all over these people. She went on with her cleaning of the counter, and said simply "God loves me."

She gained such peace from the depth of her faith. Today, she is my inspiration and reminder that even when you fight with your sweetie, your pets are making you crazy, traffic is hellish, you can't find your Mp3 player, nothing you put on looks right, and you have a headache - serenity is a choice.

Day 35

My sh0es are too big.

Gorgeous sunny sky this morning, and I have two roasted chickens in my refrigerator. Hurrah for home cooked food!

Tonight, I will roast two more, and two more tomorrow night.

Day 34

Yesterday, as previously noted, was grey and all-round YUCKMO. The kinda day you look out of the window at, and it makes you kinda collapse into a droopy puddle of floompy on your desk.

You know that day, I am certain of it.

However, my sweetie picked me up at noon, as we had plans to spend the afternoon together.

Confession: I love my sweetie. But the leaden sky and chilly temperatures were NOT inspiring. I kinda actually gave serious consideration to staying at work.

I am awfully glad I didn't though, as about an hour later, as we prepared for our afternoon excursion, the temperature popped up about 8 degrees, the sun came out, and all the clouds went scudding away from our vantage point to the sky. It made our trip down back country roads on the motorcycle infinitely more pleasant.

And then we went grocery shopping, where I bought an almost (but not quite) absurd amount of meat to cook and store in the freezer (checker-outter guy, as he scans the meat at the price club: "Uh, what on earth are you going to do with THIS MUCH meat?!" "Um. Cook?").

I feel very relaxed and fairly accomplished. Mmm. Beautiful days, motorcycles, and country-style steak with rice a gravy. That's a damned good day, if you ask me.

Day 32 and 33

I am grateful for:

-- friends on the same wavelength.

-- lazy Sundays, spent entirely in pajamas

-- being able to build a costume on the fly from m y wardrobe

-- glitter

-- sleeping as late as I want to

It rained on and off most of the weekend, and the skies today are leaden and grey. Today, though, I am able to see them as pearly instead of gloomy.