Haitus

Hi.

I love this place, and it is a spectacular exercise at keeping me mindful of the blessings in my life.

But right now, I am finding myself in a place where I am looking at these blessings like a dancer marking her choreography: I am not present nor dancing it. I am simply marking out where the steps should be.

And as I do that, the things I write about here are further removed from the truth. They're technically true, but they're not deeply-rooted joy. And this place is meant to be, for me, an expression of joy and wonder in day to day life.

I'll be back eventually, of that I am sure. But right now, I need to go find that joy.

Day 79

I know.

I have fallen down on the job here.

I got out of the habit when I was on vacation, and since I got back... Well, it's been kinda wacky. I have had a hard time being home. I mean, I am glad to be home, and I am glad for the myriad comforts of home, but... I don't know. I felt like I needed a reality decompression or something. The weather hasn't helped all that much, either, I am sure.

I've been in a kind of holding pattern, with the things for which I am grateful, and while I do know that it is important to have a solid appreciation for the basics... Well, it's kinda boring to me to be all "yep, I have awesome people!" or whatever, you know? And though I very much have been wanting to get down to the business of profiling all of those people for whom I am grateful, the time to do so simply hasn't materialised. I mean, I'm writing this of my own volition, and it's not like I make mad ducats when I do this (or, y'know: any), so it has to take a backseat, sadly.

But: be not afraid! I have many, many people for whom I want to do this. In looking over the past two weeks, it's been "people! people! people!" and no delineation of same. And really, they do make my life so much more palatable.

This very moment, though, what I am grateful for is:

-- the snow and ice appear to be turning directly to water. The ice pellets that were on the roof of my car are now all gone, and it merely looks wet.

-- that my life is full enough I haven't had time to sit and compsoe much of anything of value due to having been on the move. That's actually pretty rad.

I will admit though, I hit a bit of a manic spell a few months back, and I think right now, I am in the natural counterpoint to that. I'm sure I'll be back to normal soon enough, though!

Day 77 and 78

Ack! There is a forecast of snow!

This has taken over all things thinkable in my head.

I am grateful for fireplaces and snuggly dogs.

Day 76

Today, I am wearing a coral turtleneck with a paisley tie and a camel hair blazer.

It makes me smile, and provides a nice little bit of sunshine to contrast with the rain and fog we've been having.

74 and 75

I love that yesterday when we ended up at That Swedish Megastore of Inexpensive Design, the man knew the precise moment I hit overload, because the way I walk changed.

And then he made a concerted effort to hustle me out of the store as rapidly as possible, so I didn't hit meltdown/ crisis point.

That is observational love, my friends.

Today, I am busy being grateful that I have lots of work to do, so it will hopefull keep me active and awake.

I am horribly afradi I am going to flat out fall over into zzzzzzz...

Day 73

People.

I am grateful for the people in my life.

Last night I had the final round of birthday celebration, with my annual "hey, let's get together and have a food thing" dinner. I hadn't gotten an awful lot of feedback from people, so I thought it was going to be relatively small.

I was stunned and thrilled when we had to add a few table to fit everyone in. People I didn't expect to come - people who never leave the house - people I don't see often enough - came out of the woodwork to eat and laugh and be silly together. It was buttclenchingly cold, and they braved it to come spend time.

I laughed until my face hurt, and we were silly to the point of ridiculousness.

It is a good life to have.

Day 72

So many simple things to be grateful for today!

-- It's Friday! And isn't that always lovely? YES, it is.

-- My friend Ruff 'n Stuff landed a new job yesterday, so we went out (on a school night, even!) to celebrate.

-- Tonight, I get to have dinner with a wad of friends to wrap up my birthday celebration - it's always super-fun, delicious, and the teensiest bit rowdy.

--I have a nice, big, warm cup of coffee to keep me feeling cosy todau (28 degrees this morning! YIKES)

Day 71

It is gorgeous and sunny today.

I have spent this last week inundated with love from unexpected directions.

I had one of the best 35th birthdays a girl could ever ask for.

Days 69 and 70

I have returned home from an amazing vacation in a fantastic city, where I was inundated with love and joy pretty much nonstop.

Today's gratitude is for all of the people that I am so incredibly blessed to have in my life.

And for being home, where I have even more marvellous people around me.

Days 65-68

Really, the past few days have been so completely spectacular, I don't know that I can even begin to delineate the incredible amount of awesome I have been exposed to.

So that will wait until I get back home.

Day 64

So, the dental appointment has been completed and the first bit is behind me.

Today, I am heading to Los Angeles for five days, just for fun!

I'll be spending chunks of time with industry folks, sure, and there will be work ('cos that's what I do), but it's a pleasure trip. I won't feel guilty about sleeping in or meetings of anything. I am going to enjoy myself.

What a nice change of pace.

I will try to get online to gratitude myself, but if I don't... Well, I won't guilt myself about that, either.

Day 63

Chilly and rainy today, and still! Things to be grateful for! Huzzah!

I had to go to the DMV this morning as my license is expiring next week. After a bit of confusion and going to the wrong office originally, I found the right one and signed in for my renewal. Sat and read for about 15 minutes, and my number was called. Five more minutes and I was done!

While I was at first slightly distraught that no food or drink is allowed in the office - in my head, a DMV trip is always nightmarish and a long sitting there - I was pleasantly surprised to have it be such a quick resolution. My coffee hadn't even had time to get cold. How's that for rad?

Added bonus - I realised yesterday that I haven't touched my health savings account, and I need to get that sorted so it won't all go to waste, so I called up my dentist to see if I could get squoze in for an appointment. And squoze they did - I have an appointment today for a cleaning and to see what I need to get done. Hurrah!

... It's probably a little strange to be excited about a dental appointment, but I do need to get that all looked into, as it has been quite some time since I've had my teefs looked at. My bruxing has gotten worse, and I know my teeth have shifted pretty badly. And, y'know: it's never a bad idea to make sure you're not rocking a pile o' cavities and gum disease. So off I go this afternoon for that.

YAY! (seriously)

Day 62

Today I am grateful that I found my leather jacket!

It seems like a tiny thing, but when I couldn't find it Sunday before we went out on the motorcycles, I was a little stressed. I figured I left it at the office before the holiday - so when I got in yesterday and it wasn't at the office, I started to freak. I called around to the last places I might've worn it, and asked at the office lost and found - NOTHING.

I was starting to get a little panicky, to be honest.

Important things to know: I bought that jacket 15 years ago at a pawn shop. It's far too big for me, but I can layer under it, and I love it. It's been with me through failed relationships, more moves than I care to think about, several countries, death, divorce, and joy as my silent witness. It's gone to punk shows and goth nights and heavy metal concerts. It keeps me warm when it's cold and shields me from wind when we ride.

And suddenly, it was missing. I've never lost it before, and usually when things head out of my life, I don't sweat it. I just kinda go "well, clearly THAT wasn't meant to be in my life right now" and carry on. But this was hitting me in the solar plexus with gut clenching fear, for some reason.

At any rate, I spent the better portion of my day getting more and more upset that I couldn't seem to locate this jacket. I got an email as I was driving home, though, which I read in the driveway (I don't drive and read/ text/ whatever. I barely even talk on the phone when I am driving 'cos it freaks me out) - and it was a friend of mine saying that she was going to tell her house faerie to give it back to MY house faerie, so I would have it. And it made me smile, and I had been thinking "I should put out some honey and bread for the fae" anyhow.

So I went on inside and dealt with the dogs, and went back to my bedroom for something...

And there it was. Hanging off the edge of the bed.

Plain as day.

Go figure.